Writing despite Nigel
How to live with your inner critic. Inspiration from Julia Cameron on naming and taming her nasty inner Nigel.
Hello and welcome to this week’s newsletter, it’s Chris here.
While Nigel is my middle name (thanks a bunch dad)1 it’s perhaps more famously the name The Artist’s Way author Julia Cameron gives to her inner critic.
Nigel is much more than a name to Cameron, he’s a character. A gay British interior decorator to be precise whose standards are very high - too high. ‘He’s like a negative relative at a picnic’ she explains, ‘somebody who always has something nasty to say’. Despite her huge success, Cameron still has a fractious relationship with Nigel - but she has learned to live with him over time.
People often tell us that despite having built up expertise and credibility in whatever field they have chosen to write about, they can still feel like frauds. Or at least, that’s what their own Nigel tells them. Logically, they know they’re wrong to listen – but that rarely matters. Their Nigel pipes up unhelpfully every time they start to write: You’re not a writer. You have nothing to say.
The confidence trick
One approach we could take is to boost a writer’s morale with a pep talk. Tell them what they’re thinking isn’t true. Point to all the evidence to the contrary - which there normally is a lot. Look at what you have achieved! Look at all the great things people say about you! Banish Nigel from your mind right now!
Pep talks are important and can make a difference – but in my experience, Nigel has a nasty habit of creeping back in. Over the years I’ve come to realise that the presence of Nigel himself isn’t really the issue - everyone has a Nigel of their very own. The issue is how you respond when he speaks. Do you come to a halt or do you carry on?
It’s such a confidence trick, writing a novel. The main person you have to trick into confidence is yourself. - Zadie Smith
Find your slip road
Of course, everyone’s Nigels are different and some are far more challenging to live with than others - some can be real bullies. Accepting your Nigel if he’s one of these is hard. I’m not suggesting you should simply grit your teeth and put up with his vicious barbs. But what I am suggesting is that allowing your Nigel to stop you in your tracks means that he wins and like any bully, this will only enable him more.
A couple of weeks ago I wrote about how you can use the analogy of a slip road to help you find a way in to your writing. A slip road (or an ‘on-ramp’ to our American friends), is the route that takes you to the main - normally fast moving - road. It’s the road that helps you gather speed so you join the main carriageway at the right pace.
Do something - however small
I gave a few ideas about what you could use as your slip road before you hit the main project - doing something super-small, free writing, using constraints etc. Ideas like these might not feel like you are ‘doing the writing’ but they provide a way in and give you a glimmer of control over your inner critic. It shows you that while you may have negative thoughts, you are not at the mercy of them. It proves that you can make a difference to your life - that you have agency.
Your personal Nigel may never go away. Cameron has lived with her’s for over 55 years. The harsh truth is this:
Your Nigel doesn’t have to like what you are writing, but you can keep writing it.
Your Nigel might question whether you have anything to say, but you can still say it.
Writing despite Nigel isn’t easy but it’s the only way you’ll come to understand whether you do have anything to say.
Keep going,
Chris
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Me cat - you too?
‘Amateur’ vs 'pro’
The hackneyed duality between “amateur” and “professional” [writer] is a haughty and disdainful myth that needs to be ripped apart and turned into confetti.
- Elif Shafak
This was a mistake. While both my parents disliked the name ‘Nigel’ my dad thought my mum loved it and so registered it as my middle name with the local registry office when I was born. Since then, the name Nigel has nose-dived in popularly year on year. Indeed, according to the UK’s Office for National Statistics, no children were given the name Nigel in 2020 and only 28 Nigels have been born in the UK since 2015.
I always laugh at your accidental middle name. If you need an alternative career, Christopher Nigel is a great name for a hairdresser.
My inner critic is a horrid little character called The Red Goblin. He kept appearing (plonking himself on my keyboard or on my shoulder) while writing my memoir and he even inserted his voice between my sentences! I cut him out before serialising the memoir here on Substack but he still sometimes tries to worm his way in - but now I’m ruthless - I delete him with gusto!