I love that Stephen King quote. I'm lucky in that our writing group has become a safe space for sharing our work, whatever stage we're at. It helps us to get used to putting our work out there and hearing how it lands with others.
I recently got some oral feedback on a piece of writing that I did for a creative writing course. I decided to only write down the positive stuff, of course I remember the less positive stuff but somehow not writing it down gives it less power. Also I can reread the positive!
That is such a good tactic. There are theories about how we remember negative stuff as a survival mechanism. We have to actively seek and remember the positive. A good reminder to keep a note - now and for the future.
All this chimes for me! I did such damage by seeking feedback too early and from the wrong people when I was just starting out as a writer… And thank you for trusting me with your wonderful draft, it was an honour to offer feedback xx
I'm so glad we met up that day, the exact time I was ready to open my door and get some feedback. Thank you so very very much for being such a wise, kind and trusted reader.
All so true! I too have learned to skip the first two steps. Don't share early (learned five years ago), skip the "I suck" part (old news), and move to how do I drill down and finish my edits? Thanks for the salient essay! Great read.
Thank you! It's can be a hard won lesson - I know the horror stories of getting feedback too soon and how it can crush confidence. I'm so pleased you have figured the timing and have learned to move beyond the self-blame stage.
And I did learn the hard way! The upside, after I shared with a few people, most people loved the concept. Although I'd not asked for constructive feedback, just whether or not they'd read such a book after the first 10 pages.
Then, someone (not family) said, oh it will never be a book. Who cares about where you went to school or how it shaped your early life. It won't be published.
My first thought, screw you (worse word)... I'll show you that you are wrong. You might have a masters in English, and so what? You taught for 40 years, but you are not an author, let alone published so what do YOU know :-) LOL ... I'll never give up!
-- “If I’m honest, anytime any director has ever said anything to me, I go through three silent beats: Fuck you. I suck. OK, what?”
This is exactly me (but in every aspect of my life, more pronounced perhaps in my writing)! I always get so affronted and take things personally, until I sit with them. And go through that "I suck" phase too. I have to read through any feedback quickly, then let it sit, and not react with my usual knee-jerk responses. It's hard, and as you say, it needs to be the right time, and with someone you trust.
I love that Stephen King quote. I'm lucky in that our writing group has become a safe space for sharing our work, whatever stage we're at. It helps us to get used to putting our work out there and hearing how it lands with others.
It’s one of those quotes I keep returning to! He was bang on. And yet, I forget.
I recently got some oral feedback on a piece of writing that I did for a creative writing course. I decided to only write down the positive stuff, of course I remember the less positive stuff but somehow not writing it down gives it less power. Also I can reread the positive!
That is such a good tactic. There are theories about how we remember negative stuff as a survival mechanism. We have to actively seek and remember the positive. A good reminder to keep a note - now and for the future.
All this chimes for me! I did such damage by seeking feedback too early and from the wrong people when I was just starting out as a writer… And thank you for trusting me with your wonderful draft, it was an honour to offer feedback xx
I'm so glad we met up that day, the exact time I was ready to open my door and get some feedback. Thank you so very very much for being such a wise, kind and trusted reader.
🥰
All so true! I too have learned to skip the first two steps. Don't share early (learned five years ago), skip the "I suck" part (old news), and move to how do I drill down and finish my edits? Thanks for the salient essay! Great read.
Thank you! It's can be a hard won lesson - I know the horror stories of getting feedback too soon and how it can crush confidence. I'm so pleased you have figured the timing and have learned to move beyond the self-blame stage.
And I did learn the hard way! The upside, after I shared with a few people, most people loved the concept. Although I'd not asked for constructive feedback, just whether or not they'd read such a book after the first 10 pages.
Then, someone (not family) said, oh it will never be a book. Who cares about where you went to school or how it shaped your early life. It won't be published.
My first thought, screw you (worse word)... I'll show you that you are wrong. You might have a masters in English, and so what? You taught for 40 years, but you are not an author, let alone published so what do YOU know :-) LOL ... I'll never give up!
That’s the attitude! Love it. Keep writing and choosing all the synonyms for screw you! Writers are the best swearers.
I appreciate all this timely advice, so much truth!
My pleasure Niki and apologies for the swearing - which I debated long and hard about quoting!
-- “If I’m honest, anytime any director has ever said anything to me, I go through three silent beats: Fuck you. I suck. OK, what?”
This is exactly me (but in every aspect of my life, more pronounced perhaps in my writing)! I always get so affronted and take things personally, until I sit with them. And go through that "I suck" phase too. I have to read through any feedback quickly, then let it sit, and not react with my usual knee-jerk responses. It's hard, and as you say, it needs to be the right time, and with someone you trust.
This is the lesson of our lives isn't it, not defaulting to the negative thinking habits that are triggered when we get feedback?
Absolutely. It’s a visceral feeling, but we have to let it settle to access what you need to hear.